Sunday, February 20, 2011

Re: Payment Notification #3

Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 16:51:21 +0800
Subject: RE: Payment Notification:
To: Lou Hayward




Motto: Eagle Eye Of The Law

The management of this honorable sector {EFCC} Economy and Financier Crime Commission validated which the content therein is fully understood.
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to further inform you that we have arrested the IMPOSTER who tried to scam us of your overdue funds of 7.5 million dollars and to also inform you that we got your information’s you have provided in your last email to this office and I must tell you here that your fund will be transferred to you in no distance time if you adhere strictly to my instructions and directives and do exactly what I tell you to do.

Here i have filed up an application on your behalf and have sent it to the paying bank in your favor, So quickly contact the Bank and explain yourself to them, I Don't need anything else from you.

I will also want you to give the Bank a call as soon as you receive this mail for more detailed information’s below is the contact information of the paying bank.

Contact Person: Rev. Williams Hills 
Bank Name: Access Bank Of Nigeria Plc
Bank Email:
Contact phone Number: +234-70-6075-4037
I have also spoken with the manager of the Access Bank Of Nigeria Plc right now and he told me that they have received the application and that they will respond to you in less 5 hours from now and he has also accepted release the funds to you through online wire transfer sector. 
As soon as you hear from the  Bank to let me know for more directives. Always take note that the paying bank is the Access Bank Of Nigeria Plc and they are the bank that will contact you in respect to this application.

I shall await to hear from you as soon as you contacted the Bank kindly let me know.


Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri

EFCC Executive Chairman,
Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (AIG rtd.)


From:Lou Hayward
Sent:20 February 2011 09:51:32; virtualbanking&;

Hello Farida!

My goodness, you really are the gift that keeps on giving- a same-day reply?! I feel honoured that you have chosen to dedicate so much of your time and effort to my case and to make me a priority, given that you must have so much other pressing business to attend to. However, with respect to your email, although “the management of this honorable sector {EFCC} Economy and Financier Crime Commission validated which the content therein is fully understood”, I must admit that I am a little less clear as to what exactly is going on here… I also note that whilst you have answered a few of my queries, there are still many questions which remain unanswered… and, just quietly, both the signed photo and the link to your ebook are notable in their absence, but I'm sure that's just a little oversight on your part.

Am I to take it, Farida, that you have captured that conniving devil Curt?! Or has Gershon Shapiro cracked under your iron-like will and confessed all? Don’t leave me hanging here Farida- spill the beans! I’m sure that I’ll read something about it in the paper tomorrow and maybe catch a little segment on the morning news, but if you have a moment maybe you could give me the goss straight from the horse’s mouth. Not that you look like a horse- it's just a saying. 

As to the money… wow! I mean, I know I’m a bit scatterbrained sometimes- I’m constantly losing my phone or my wallet or my keys and I forget things all the time and that was that one awful day when I left the house and only realised I wasn’t wearing any underwear when I was sat on the Tube. I had to do a mad dash run around one of the bigger stations- I think it was Kings Cross- and you know those little concession stores are always really crappily stocked and overpriced. So yes, I know I’m prone to the odd blonde moment, but I seriously don’t know if even I would be able to ‘misplace’ 7.5 million dollars. I mean, just imagine how big your sofa would have to be in order for you to lose all that spare change down the back of it… 

I think if I am ever really rich (maybe if I have, for example, 7.5 million dollars in the bank) I will buy exactly such a sofa and when I sit atop it I will pretend that it is not the sofa that is huge, but me that is tiny. I will proclaim myself Queen of the Pixies and, if you like, you can come and sit next to me and pretend to be the Financial Advisor of the Elves. What fun we’ll have…
…There I go again- see, I told you I was a bit dippy. Now, I must be frank with you, Farida: In essence, I’m really not sure that this money is mine! Where, how and why would I have acquired 7.5 million dollars?! For that matter, what kind of dollars are we talking about? I mean, there are a lot of countries which use the dollar as their currency: check out this list to see what I mean. So, are these US dollars, Australian dollars, or Solomon Island dollars? I’d like to know so that I can make a bit more sense of my supposed riches. If you really were Financial Advisor to the Elves, I hope you’d moot a currency with a more original name- for example I have always been fond of the Vietnamese ‘dong’ and the Costa Rican ‘colon’.

I am pleased that my utter failure to provide you with a single personal detail has not hampered your progress and that you have ‘filed up an application’ on my behalf- apparently Nigerian banks are a lot more flexible than the institutions I have used in the past. Thank you for giving me Rev. Williams Hills’ contact details- does his name mean that he, like you, is a ‘plural person’ who refers to himself using the first-person, plural personal pronoun? This is good to know- ignorantly I thought that this was a practice confined to royalty and schizophrenics, but apparently it is fairly common, normal behaviour in Lagos. As a sidenote, how ironic that a man of God should come so close to sharing his name with a chain of high street betting shops.

Unfortunately, I have just this moment run out of phone credit and so will be unable to contact him by phone. Plus, I fear the time difference and potential disruptions to the line may make this a tricky form of communication for us. One small detail, Farida, I am, as you may have gathered, something of a nosy parker, and so I couldn’t help but do a quick google search on Rev. Hills… Farida, are you sure you’ve got this right? I couldn’t find any information on him at all, let alone any pages linking him to the Access Bank. As such, I have taken the liberty of cc-ing a couple of potentially relevant Access Bank email addresses to alert them of their oversight. I have not written to Rev Hills himself as I do not wish to cause him any embarrassment. As a matter of principle, I am certainly not going to provide any information regarding my own case until they remedy the situation and give him the respect and acknowledgement he deserves.

Farida, I hope you don’t think me presumptuous, but I am so impressed at the care and attention you have shown me, and the fact that you seem to have ensnared such a wicked criminal, that I wanted you to get some recognition for your hard work. Therefore, I have also cc-ed the general EFCC contact email address in the hope that your colleagues and superiors, if you have them, will learn of your dedication. Furthermore, if I don’t read about anything, I shall have no qualms about alerting the international press on your behalf.

Yours, validating which the content therein is fully understood.

PS I know it's a longshot, but I think I think my first choice would be for Kate Hudson to play me in our movie, she was brilliant in Almost Famous.

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