Sunday, February 20, 2011

Re: Payment Notification #2

From:Office Efcc nigeria (
Sent:18 February 2011 05:03:03
To:Lou Hayward




Motto: Eagle Eye Of The Law   

The management of this honorable sector {EFCC} Economy and Financier Crime Commission validated which the content therein is fully understood.

After going through your mail, be inform that we have withdrawing all the dealing we have with MR. GERSHON SHAPIRO who was claiming to be your representative here in my office over your contract inheritance outstanding fund, Be inform that right now we have just arrested him which he is to face the consequences of whom most of them are presently under our custody and will face prosecution under section 35 A sub section 1-2-4 of the criminal code of Nigeria, pending on when we finish with our investigation and have your fund release to you as the said benefactor. 

Sir, farida Waziri (AIG rtd.)Executive Chairperson. international monitoring funds   (IMF) note that my duty is to make sure that all those impostors that has contacted you in the past is curt and face the prosecution of all the evil they have done to the fellow human.

With all due respect, note that we have received the requested information, and note that we are now in the process based on how your contract inheritance fund will be release to you via Internet Online Banking through our Bank under 24hours of the day.


It was resolved by the executive board meeting that was held officially at Abuja Federal Capital here in Nigeria on your behalf which the Senate President and the Vice President of Federal Republic of Nigeria attended. This meeting was held and jointly agreed by the both parties that participate that meeting that you will have to stop any communication you have with non-official or any bank institution as you can your fund is presently under my custody and is well secure for you, and in other to receive it you are to work according to my instruction to avoid fund division so that problem will not occur further when we will proceed with the effect of your fund.

Note that you are advice to forward to this office all listed below information so that we will start processing all necessary document and have your fund programmed in your name since you said that you didn't authorize any one to stand as your benefactor:
Your full name:

Once all this information are send to this office, it will enable use verify and expedite action immediately with the release of your fund to you as the Said Beneficiary.
We anticipate your Maximum Co-operation and Understanding to enable us serve you more better to lead to the success of this matter and have positives result for you.

Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri
EFCC Executive Chairman,
Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (AIG rtd.)

From:Lou Hayward
Sent:20 February 2011 07:26:55

Hello again Farida, how nice of you to reply so promptly. 

Thank you very much for the photo you included- as you are possibly the most famous person to have ever emailed me, I plan to print it out and put it on my wall, or maybe carry a small version in my wallet. I did once receive a marketing message purporting to be from Tony the Tiger (I don't know if they sell Kellogg's Frosties in Lagos, so by way of explanation he is an animated cereal mascot with an overtly positive disposition... I don't particularly like Frosties myself; apparently they're 'grrreat'), but after some consideration I came to the conclusion that this was in fact written by one of his agents. For one thing, tigers do not have fingers or opposable thumbs and so I fail to see how he could operate a keyboard. For another, he is, after all, a cartoon character. 

Maybe next time you could send me a signed photo? I do have one suggestion though- next time I think you should look directly at the camera. You have beautiful eyes, Farida, it's a shame to hide them and it makes you look downcast- almost as if you feel you are losing the fight against internet scammers. Just saying. 

Anyway, on to more serious business. I am relieved to hear you "have withdrawing all the dealing" with Mr Shapiro- well done for exposing him as a fraud. However, is it really necessary for him to face prosecution? I am embarrassed to say that, despite studying and working in law for a number of years, I have a woefully deficient knowledge of Nigerian criminal law. The snazzy little '419' banner at the end of your email proved most helpful though- I now know that this refers to an article of the Nigerian Criminal Code (part of Chapter 38: "Obtaining Property by false pretences; Cheating") dealing with fraud and, in particular, advance-fee fraud. Apparently, this is is a confidence trick in which a target is persuaded to advance sums of money in the hope of realizing a significantly larger gain. A particular type of this scam has even been titled the 'Nigerian Letter' (also called the 419 fraud, Nigerian scam, Nigerian bank scam, or Nigerian money offer). Shocking stuff, hey?

Oh dear, here I go getting off the point again... Anyway, so the lawyer in me couldn't help but look up the citation you so helpfully provided me to see just exactly what sort of cheat we've been dealing with here. Farida, I must say I am puzzled. Either my research skills have completely gone off the boil, or I think you may have given me the wrong information. Please don't take offence, but according to a seemingly up-to-date resource I found on the matter, the Nigerian Criminal Code does not have a section 35A! Sorry to nitpick, Farida, but I would appreciate your clarification on this.

Now, assuming we instead proceed on the basis of Article 38, Obtaining Property by false pretences; ‘Cheating’, I fear we may hit another procedural wall. Let me explain: according to Article 419, "any person who by any false pretence, and with intent to defraud, obtains from any other person anything capable of being stolen, or induces any other person to deliver to any person anything capable of being stolen, is guilty of a felony, and is liable to imprisonment for three years".  My problem is this, dear Farida, Article 419 goes on to say that "the offender cannot be arrested without warrant unless found committing the offence" and as I explained in our previous communication, I have never met Mr Shapiro, and to my knowledge, no funds of any nature (be they PayPal or Post Office oriented- or as part of the 'contract inheritance fund' you mentioned of which I am also wholly unaware) have been obtained by him. On the other hand, if you did catch the scalliwag in the act, I'd love to hear the story of how you busted him. I imagine it to be a thrilling tale- maybe one day we could make it into a film. I don't know much about movie production, but I think we'd have to fit an explosion or two in somewhere to really sell it to a studio- do you think you could embellish the truth a little to incorporate this? Who would you like to play you in the movie, Farida? I'd like to see some big name stars in there, but as my recent viewing of 'The Tourist' has taught me, you need more than A-Listers to make a hit. Did you see it? If not don't bother, it's really not very good at all. 

Nevertheless, as I said, I am rather ignorant as to the laws of your country, so could you please explain further how you intend to proceed- perhaps you are planning to prosecute Mr Shapiro on the basis of an inchoate offence? If so, could you provide me with an up-to-date summary of the relevant Nigerian criminal procedural law. Maybe such a passage can be found in your book, "Advance Fee Fraud, National Security and the Law"? I have been unable to locate a copy where I am currently living, perhaps if our friendship continues to blossom you could send me a signed copy to go with the photo. Alternatively, is it available to download as an ebook? I have recently obtained an iphone and now, I am somewhat sad to say, as a total smartphone convert I am unwilling to undertake any activity which does not entail tapping or swiping a small touchscreen. Do you have an iphone, Farida? Or are you more of a Blackberry lady? That is not a racist comment, by the way. 
One other small point, Farida, (and please don't think me pedantic- I'm just thorough). I would be very interested to read more about your work for the "International Monitoring Funds", but have been unable to locate any website. Indeed, the only organisation I am aware of with the acronym IMF is the International Monetary Fund, with which it appears you have no affiliation. Moreover, a brief google search of 'Farida Waziri International Monetary Fund' only produces results leading to websites regarding- irony of ironies- scam emails, the very thing you are working so hard to tackle! 

I am, of course, appalled by the behaviour (attempted or otherwise) of Mr Shapiro, but I am also a humanist. Have you informed the embassy? Where is he currently being held? Is he at your headquarters on Awolowo Road? I looked up the location and it must be nice to have an office so close to the water- does Mr Shapiro have a nice view? However, I think you need to update your contact information, Farida, as according to the official EFCC website you are located at number 15A Awolowo Road and not number 15- perhaps you moved next door after that awful fire totally razed part of the building in May of last year? I do hope he has not been transferred to the nearby 'Ikoyi prison', as I've heard it's less than pleasant in there. I don't think I would be able to handle it at all. I once had to spend a couple of hours in Slough and that was enough to nearly break me; it’s even worse than watching The Tourist. Above all, has Mr Shapiro regaled you with any of his proposed performances for 'A Jewish Star'? 

The main reason I ask, Farida, is that I think we should instead be focusing on another, altogether more vile character. You say in your email that "all those impostors that has contacted you in the past is curt and face the prosecution of all the evil they have done to the fellow human". Well, I am very pleased to hear it, Farida. There are a number of things which I find irritating in the extreme- in no particular order, examples which spring to mind are people who insist on taking prams on public transport during commuter hour, people who walk too slowly when I am in a rush to get somewhere (exempting the old and infirm, obviously) and those who can see worth in the music of Justin Bieber. However, I would have to say that people who have done evil to the fellow human rank even higher on my list of irksome character traits. I have been contacted by a number of imposters in the past- the Tony the Tiger impersonator being just one-  and you are seriously telling me they are all aliases of some guy called Curt?! Farida, do you think that maybe this loathsome fellow has also attempted to use and abuse Mr Shapiro's identity? What are you doing to find him? I think for the movie we should turn him in to a shady Mexican, then offer the part to Danny Trejo. What do you think?

Apologies for yet another lengthy message, but I feel we need to get some loose ends tied up before proceeding further. As such, I am as yet unable to provide you with any of my personal information at this time until you answer the questions herein and provide me with more details in general. To be honest, Farida, when all is said and done, if we are talking about that errant £1.92, I would be more than happy for you to consider it a downpayment on the ebook.

Kindest positives result to you too.

P.S. As my name is not a Nigerian one, I feel I should inform you that I am in fact female. Thus, whilst I appreciate your politeness, the moniker 'Sir' is not really appropriate.

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe the Vice President of Nigeria attended a meeting on your behalf! I'm well impressed.